Crash

CRASH

Earlier this week my computer crashed.  Normally this would cause a lot of pain and suffering to most people, but I am one of those people that backs up files.  I know I can retrieve the files if needed.  Still, my computer crashed.  This may not seem like a lot in this throw away world, people say, go, buy  another one.  My laptop is special, it is more than a writing tool or an access port to social frenzies.

 My computer was one of my last physical gifts from my Dad before he passed away in 2007.  Now I know not to put too much into that, the computer is a thing, not really a part of my dad, still he pushed hard to get each of his kids a computer before he left us.  His reasoning behind it was that he saw the computer as a way of reaching out to knowledge and education and he wanted us each to have these things.  Out of his four kids, my computer came first.  It was a top of the line computer for 2007 and had a processor that moved with amazing speed.   Dad had done well and he was still alive when it arrived and he was so proud of it for me.   I was out of work at the time and looking for a job.  I had just left a job that was both rewarding and demeaning, my self esteem was low.   The computer picked me up and gave me a hope for a future I couldn’t see clearly.  Suddenly, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  Dad helped me open it and was the first to hold it.  He handed it back to me and sat in his chair worn out by the opening of the box and the Cancer he was fighting, smiling from ear to ear.  It was a great moment.  I wish I could give the moment to my little sister, her computer came later after his death and I was there to help her open it.  She broke down in tears wishing more for her daddy than the cold inanimate object in front of her.  I understood.

My computer has been a great holder of family history with genealogy (the real reason I back up files), pictures, (another reason) and my writings.  The computer sends me anywhere in the world with just the touch of a few buttons.  It is a portal through time and space and a reminder of the responsibility we have to each other.  When my computer broke down I took it in to a computer doctor friend and received a call today that told me it was finished.  The hard drive can be replaced, but it is so old in computer years that a new computer would make more sense.  I was quiet on the phone and didn’t say anything for a while.  My friend was equally quiet, that is what makes a good friend.  My computer is not my dad and I have a wealth of beautiful memories from a great man that hug and haunt me at different times.

I watched my dad coach and steer young people of all ages to try to better themselves and respect others, baseball was his best outlet for this.  I played some baseball but my favorite thing about the sport was how my dad shaped a group of people into a team filled with self-respect and the courage to achieve whatever they wanted both on a sporting field and in their personal lives.  The lives he touched are still reaching out and touching others like a long lost stone rippling in the water.  The ripples are still reaching out.

 This week is emotional because I have been working hard on another theatre performance and I am tired and a little sentimental about a lot of things.  My little computer made me happy because it came from a giant of a man.  The giant gave me a lot of other things as well, things that carry on in my adulthood that make me try each day to be a better man.   I miss my dad, my computer can be replaced.  Dad, he was one of a kind.

~curtain~