3.2 mile run (5K)

Next week I am participating in a 5K run.  I am not doing this for glory or to prove I can.  If I could get out of it, I probably would, but I promised my mom I would participate with her.  I have a lot of issues with these kind of events, when I was younger we had walk-a-thons that started out to be 20 miles and later dropped to 17K.  We would ask people to sponsor us for a price for each mile we walked and the money went to a charity.  Now, you pay money and run.  Why can't we have a .5k run, walk or crawl around a block.

I haven't really run since 1988 when I pulled a hamstring showing off in a softball practice.  It was a momentous discovery for me in the realization that I made a tremendous catch, had hurt myself beyond belief and no one was watching or cared.  I don't run now unless something dangerous is chasing me and even then, I may weigh my options. 

One of my first grievances with jogging or running is you never see anyone smiling or enjoying themselves.  The runners always look like they are great in pain. Plus the ones who do it regularly love to tell you their war stories. Oh, and what is this with the K? We are in America, not England.  I am running in a 3.2 mile run, not a 5k run. (Curmudgeon Outburst)

Those of you who don't know me may not know that I am not a small man.  I am quite large and overweight.  A fight that I have dealt with all my adult life.  I just hit a milestone age that makes me concerned for how much longer I can even do these kind of activities.  In other words, I am a fat, old guy.  My sweet Mom is also running in this event and puts me to shame in physical activity.

In preparation for next week's event, I drove the course today and mentally prepared for the hills and the heat of next week.  I am a basket case.  I hate working in the heat.  I have this mental picture of the people packing up the race and somebody pointing down the street and saying, "Wait, there's somebody else coming!" Then a huge man barely moving up the last hill with his whole body covered in sweat, a small thud in the earth as each foot falls on the pavement, mother's pulling there children closer to them and Little Jimmy looking up to his mom and saying, "What is it mother, I'm scared?"  Finally I cross the finish line and look around to the five people still standing around.   One person saying, "Well Mister, you made it.  Congratulations." Then he hops in his Yugo and drives off leaving me to find out I had parked farther away than I should have. Next day, body aching in pain, nothing on the mantle, no news in the paper, just the satisfaction of knowing I made it.  I would much rather have the satisfaction of knowing that the other person made it. 

If you are doing a walk or a run there should be a destination, a glory for those that know they will not be first in this race.  I see no purpose in this exercise.  Where's the adventure, where's the challenge?  Now put me in a mall at Christmas, or the running of the bulls, or a preschool birthday party and I will see the point, but in the meantime, say a prayer and watch out for me on the open roads.
~Curtain~

Kennethology

by Kenneth McDade on Monday, March 23, 2009 at 1:09pm

***********FOODOLOGY***************
What is your salad dressing of choice? Peppercorn...I like it, spicy

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Char, but I can't afford it regularly. Newks with friends.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Chicken without a doubt

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepporoni

What do you like to put on your toast? Butter

***********TECHNOLOGY***************

How many televisions are in your house? 2

What color cell phone do you have? Black

Do you have an Ipod? Why, would I?
***************BIOLOGY******************

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Both

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? besides teeth, maybeeee.

What is the last heavy item you lifted? 8 par cans on a T-Bar

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Oh, yeah.
************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 0, nor do I own mandles

Last time you had a run-in with the cops? plead the fifth, but it has been more than the 7 year limit.

Last person you talked to? Rusty

Last person you hugged? Allison T., needed it, b4 then a week had gone by without a hug.

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

Season? It's a tie between Fall and Spring

Holiday? Christmas by far

Day of the week? Each day as it happens.

Month? Depends on my mood.

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone? Terribly

Mood? anxious

What are you listening to? air conditioning units

Watching? Facebook Screen

Worrying about? Work related issues.
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

First place you went this morning? work
What's the last movie you saw? In the theatres: Batman, the Dark Knight, at home some French acting movie

Do you smile often? Yup

Sleeping Alone Tonight? Yup...and happy for it.

***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************

1) Do you always answer your phone? No

2) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? wrong number or stalker

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be? I wouldn't

3b) If you could change your hair color, what color would you change it to? back to the brown it was a few years back.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Coke needs no other ingredient

5) Do you own a digital camera? Yes

6) Have you ever had a pet fish? nope, fish arent pets, they are food.

7) Favorite Christmas song(s)? Silent night, I'm getting nuttin for Christmas.

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday? To win the Powerball, oh, and world peace.

9) Can you do a push up? Yes, thank you Lea.

10) Can you do a chin up? Why? What is the point? To beat Greg Brady?

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Both

12) Do you have any saved texts? Yup.

13) Ever been in a car wreck? Why, what have you heard?

14) Do you have an accent? Southern by the Grace of God

15) What is the last song to make you cry? Hey Mickey

16) Plans tonight? Go to class.

17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Last week was pretty darn close.

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Gas, lunch, and some time :)

19) Have you ever been given roses? No

20) Current worry? Why all these questions about worry? Worry is a sin. My god is bigger than any worry.

21) Current hate right now? Not a hater.

22) Met someone who changed your life? Not drastically.

23) How did you bring in the New Year? I really dont remember, not because I was drinking, but because it was uneventful.

24) What song represents you? Give me the beat boy and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.

25) Name three people who might complete this? Tom, Dick and Harry???

26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on the circumstances, knowledge given and how long?

27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? No

28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings? NOPE! Gross tatoos are ugly. piercings, a cry for help.

29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now? relationship is such a broad word...friendship, family, pet, lover, What is this that you ask?

30) Does anyone love you? No one who admits to it.

31) Would you be a pirate? Only if I were the Captain, not good at following orders of someone with an animal on their shoulder.

32) What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever will stretch my limits.

33) Ever had someone sing to you? yes.

34) When did you last cry? Presdential election

36) Do you like to cuddle? Not with just anyone

37) Have you held hands with anyone today? No

38) Who was the last person you took a picture of? Allison T. (My arent you the popular one in my list today?)

39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? Usually the songs my sisters friends and her girl scouts sang.

40) Do you believe in staying close with your ex's/prospects? If they're nice and it ended on a good note

41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old? both

42) Do you like pulpy orange juice? I do.

43) What is something your friends make fun of you for? My friends are awesome and don't make fun of me

44) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope

45) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I would put a title in front of it..."The Incredible, ..."

46) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Yes. $1000 would pay a bill or two. I may have done this for free, but yeah, 1000. makes more sense.

Blessings

by Kenneth McDade on Saturday, August 21, 2010 at 3:14pm

 Heroes come in all ages. Three of my students drove across town today to show up at my door step because they knew I was having trouble burying my dog in a clay filled back yard. They dug the grave and were his pallbearers. Emotions are running rambant with me right now.

SOme of these next descriptions may seem too graphic or too unsympathetic to some, do not be fooled.  No one could love this dog more.  But he has moved on and chasing rabbits and squirrls in the afterlife.

 Since Thursday I have received wonderful blessings from friends and family about their experiences with their animal families.  To all of you I am grateful.

I called a friend of mine at 11:00 Thursday when I got home.  He was used to helping me move bodies at odd hours (Don't ask.). We both dug and dug and accomplished nothing with our age and lack of good digging tools.   I did discover that Hoover had broken his neck.  In a weird way it made me feel better than thinking he had been choking to death for a long time.

 We secured Hoover in a plastic shroud and covered him with heavy piece of lawn ornamentation.  (It was Hoover's favorite, he marked it often).  I left him there and wasn't happy about it.  Friday when I woke I knew it would not be a good day when  I checked on him to find a huge buzzard sitting on my bird bath.  I covered Hoover even more and circled his body with Clorox, hoping this would keep the buzzards at bay.  Then, I took a shot at them with my trusty tennis ball launcher that Hoover loved.  By the way, Thibedeaux is afraid of buzzards and a little sensitive to this subject.  He was hiding from them.  Don't mention them if you see him.

All day Friday I checked with vets to find out if they could dispose of the body for me.  Yes, but I'd have to bring him in.  Well, great... if you have a pick up truck, bad if you have a closed in SUV.  Hoover was a little over 100 pounds and fully stretched out when he died; Plus, he had now been dead for two days in the blistering hot sun and the wrappings were not as air tight as I would like.   Tried borrowing several trucks that day.  Friday is a bad day to borrow trucks, nobody I checked with had one available.

I had to work the football game at work on friday and knew that I would not get home until late again.  When I finished I stopped by Wal-mart and bought bleach, scrubbing broom for back deck, package of 16 gloves or 8 pair, filtered mask, plastic bisquine, and a truck tarp.  One guy asked if I was getting rid of a body.  I ran away from him quickly, just for effect.

 It was a typical Wal-mart Friday night at 11:00.  100 people in line to shop and only two checkout lines open,  Frustration was high with some and not so much with others.  I was fine this time and wondered why I had the calm that I did.  One woman threw a fit and dropped everything on the middle of the floor and then shoved a grocery basket into a shelf.  Nothing fell.   The rest of us in line just laughed.  If she waited another minute before storming out, 3 other registers opened, but I stayed in my line and was finished in a short time.

I went home and fed Thibedeaux and checked to see if the vultures had done any damage.  There were a lot of their feathers in my yard, but no damage seemed to have been done.  I went to bed still upset and not sure I had a plan.

Saturday morning, while unloading my supplies out of my SUV, my phone rang.  It was one of my students looking for my house.  This is usually not  a good sign to let your school students know exactly where you live.  "Why," I asked?  Because we want to help you with your dog.  "Oh," Lump in throat, and directions given.  Three senior boys from my school had heard me talking about the clay in my yard and came and dug in the hot sun a six by five foot grave for my dear Hoover. I had already wrapped him in all the tarps and he was packaged really well.  The seniors reverently lifted him and walked him through my yard to that grave and gently set his body down.  They then silently filled the grave and covered him up.  One of them said the best Eulogy of all when they were finished.  "Good Dog."  It was Hoover's favorite words.  These senior boys are not my students this year, they receive no extra grade from me, nor would they accept money for work or even for the gas to get to my house.  They will ever be in my heart.

I am moved by the blessing God Gives me.  Not only from the friends on Face Book who have shared their love and stories with me, but from co workers who have given me sympathy cards and a quick hug to let me know they are thinking of me.  Thank you each and every one.
Buzzard in birdbath in backyard. Say that three times fast.3 heroes

Top 11 reasons to celebrate Groundhog's Day!

by Kenneth McDade on Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 8:30am

 

11. It's on nearly every calendar.
10. Helps relieve cabin fever.
9. Spring or not, it's six weeks till St Urho's Day.
8. Forecast is no less reliable than the National Weather Service.
7. At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way.
6. Valentine's Day is too depressing for nerds.
5. Unlike the Easter bunny , he keeps his dirty paws outside.
4. As they used to say on radio : "The Shadow knows".
3. It's fun to say "Punxsutawney".
2. If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him.
1. In Minnesota, either way we come out ahead.

Space Stations, Cold and Demon Dogs

by Kenneth McDade on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 7:32pm

Most of my friends know, but a few don’t. I am a little bit of a nerd now and then. I love technological gadgets and I love things having to do with the space program. This week the International Space Shuttle has been passing over my town approximately the same time every night. However, the clouds have been heavy and I haven’t been able to see it in the night sky. Last night was my chance, the sky was clear, but the air was cold. I went out in my back yard and looked up into the night sky. The stars were brilliant and wonderful; I am always humbled when I remember to look in their direction. The night air was cold and I was not really dressed to be outside. I had on a pair of old tennis shoes, thin dress pants and a tee-shirt with a small windbreaker, not suitable for the winter freeze.

My dogs, Hoover, a 120 pound Labrador and Thibodeaux, a 40 pound Australian Shepherd, both were thrilled that I was out back to visit them. They took great pleasure in letting me know that they were with me in the dark. I stood and proudly watched as the International Space Station flew over. The journey across my sky didn’t last but about two minutes but I was proud of our space program and had witnessed their progress going across my sky. I started to notice the cold and headed for the house. Hoover was there at my side, but I couldn’t find Thibodeaux. I looked toward the fence; he is a herding dog and loves to let the neighbor’s dogs know he can guide them if needed. He was not at the fence. I looked toward my house and in horror; I realized the back door was closed. The former occupant of the house was a security freak and had equipped this door with a security latch that locks when closed. I reached for my pockets and realized I had emptied them when I had arrived home; my keys and my phone were sitting on my desk in my den. I knew the front door was locked, because of my habits that were gained while living near downtown growing up.

I surveyed my yard and tried to figure out what to do. Then I noticed a bathroom window that I had opened earlier. It was small and about ten feet up, but I thought I could manage squeezing in. I rearranged lawn furniture and put it under the window. My climbing skills were not what they used to be and the cold air was not helping. Hoover was immensely interested in my endeavors. The window was now closer but still I would have to pull myself up to it. I worked on the screen and let it fall to the ground. Hoover took it and ran somewhere in the yard with it. Then I pulled my Jabba the Hut frame up to the little window, no easy task. I was doing well until my hips hit the window pane and I realized that I might be a tad bit large. This was the reason for all those New Year’s resolutions. I started to wiggle to try and squeeze through the frame. The scene must have looked like a Chihuahua birthing a Saint Bernard. I suddenly had a fear of neighbors with video cameras filming me for some money making TV show. As, I came in through the window, I was now upside down and somersaulting into a half bath. My bones made weird noises like a kid’s breakfast cereal. Definitely have to work on those New Year’s resolutions.

I gathered all that was left of my pride and went out of the bathroom into my bedroom. There at the foot of my bed snuggled deep into my covers was the Aussie, wagging his tail and excited to see me. Until I pointed to the door and told him, “OUT!” With the vocal inflection, he knew he had done something wrong and ran from room to room trying to get away.
His actions had purpose, he was avoiding the back door and outside to the cold. When he realized that he could not get away he went to the front door of the house and sat. This is Thibodeaux’s position for getting ready for a walk. “Fine,” I thought, I will walk you and get it out of your system. I grabbed my keys and his leash and led him out the door. The Aussie was ready to run. This is an unusual trait for him. I know he hates the leash, but usually he is right there beside me and not trying to run off. I was still not dressed for the cold, so I knew it would be a short walk. I took him to the end of the street and back towards the house. He calmed down a little and I headed for my mailbox before I took him back to the backyard. Suddenly, a huge black dog came out of nowhere and jumped Thibodeaux; I almost panicked, until I realized that my Labrador had finally learned how to jump the fence.

Before I could stop him Hoover was sashaying down the street with a haughty swagger in his step as he marked every little tree or shrubbery down the block. Now I am smart enough to know not to chase him because he will think it is a game and take off running. I tried to stay on the other side of the street and get ahead of him, and then I could guide him back to the house. It didn’t take long to realize this wasn’t going to work. I tried grabbing him when he went to mark something, but just as I touched his fur, he would shoot off again and the Aussie would try to follow with the leash still attached to my arm.

We had gone around the block and now Hoover had disappeared into a yard that was dimly lit. The whole neighborhood had poor lighting and I was straining to peer into the darkness while calling Hoover’s name. Without warning he came from behind us and startled both me and the Aussie. He darted under the leash to taunt us both. The Aussie gave chase and then spun into a leash lock and circled around me to get free. This was unexpected and hit me below the balance point. I fell to the middle of the road and into an intersection. Normally during the day this intersection has quite a lot of traffic, but I was lucky in the sense that no cars were coming our way. Still there was that fear of a neighbor with a video camera and you tube getting me online with a million views.

As I tried to sit up the Aussie was licking me in the face, now for those of you who don’t know, I am also a germaphobe, I hate things that might carry germs. Knowing that dogs drink out of the toilet bowl and clean their nether regions with their tongue, made me not to thrilled. I was about to make it out when Hoover came back to see why we were supposedly having more fun than he. He licked me and started to take off again, I grabbed for his collar and missed, but I did manage to grab his tail. Hoover spun around to make sure I wasn’t going to rip it off and I rolled over on him. It is not easy to hold down a dog that weighs as much as he does. Also, the Aussie was understandably worried that I was going to roll over on him and he tried to get out of the way, making the leash tighter. Somewhere in this living knot I managed to get the leash off my wrist and through Hoover’s collar, then back on my wrist. I was still tangled, but I had both dogs.

Squirming to get up I managed to stand and start untangling. Unexpectantly, an old man who runs through our neighborhood came flaunting his flexibility down the street. He saw me and asked, “You okay son?” My first comment that came to mind was probably not a nice thing, but thankfully my parents were good with my upbringing and I answered, “I’m fine thank you.” He stood around and watched me like someone watching a train wreck. As I untangled we discussed, late night walks, dogs, me wearing clothes that were much to dark for traffic to see, etc. He finally excused himself and took off down the road with much to smooth a grace for someone his age. I took the dogs back home; they were not happy with being tethered together so close and fought occasionally to get away. I was so upset with them that I started muttering to them. I know I must have sounded like Yosemite Sam with Tourette’s syndrome. Again the fear of the video camera was in the back of my mind. I led both dogs to the back yard, reminded them where their heated igloo dog huts were, put my screen back on my window, moved lawn furniture, put up plastic mesh to keep Hoover from jumping the fence and finally went back inside my own home. I noticed that I had missed several calls from a friend of mine. She had found a lost dog and wanted to know if I needed another one.

God has a keen sense of humor.

Anger

"Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack yor lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back - in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawbrack is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."

This is a dictionary for the restless believer, for the doubter and the dubious. It is full of wisdom from the Apostle Paul and Paul Tillich to C. S. Lewis and W.T. Stace.

From "Wishful Thinking" by Frederick Buechner

Theatre Survey:

 by Kenneth McDade on Thursday, February 5, 2009 at 6:11pm

LAST SHOW ADDED TO YOUR RESUME:
Mere Mortals

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR:
Mere Mortals

DID YOU GET IT:
Yes

LAST SONG YOU USED AT AN AUDITION:
The Museum Song from Barnum

FAVORITE MUSICAL(s):
A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum, Man of La Mancha, Guys and Dolls, 1776.It's a Bird, it's a plane, it's Superman....etc., etc.

FAVORITE PLAY:
Beautiful People, Mornings at seven, Arkeology, Actor's Nightmare...and many more

FAVORITE ROLE YOU'VE PLAYED, AND FROM WHAT SHOW?
Pseudoleus in Funny thing, King Sextimus in Once Upon a Mattress,

FAVORITE ROLE OVERALL THAT I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY:
Moses in the 10 commandments. Sorry, I like acting, not particular to what.

SUPERSTITION:
Whistling in the theatre...hurts my ears now.

YOUR GOAL IN SHOW BUSINESS:
lol, there are so many.
McDadeWorld, home of the greatest rides, show and exhibits in the world...Hey, it worked for Walt.

FAVORITE DIRECTOR YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH:
Wow, I have had some of the best...I am picky about the directors that I choose.

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW?:
Cinderella. Age 4 I was one of the white mice, first speaking was the Muffin Man, age 6

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO?:
Such as it was. I played Will in Oklahoma and had a tap and rope number, the roping was okay, and the tap was inventive.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW?
Yes, thrilling, but I still like to be the first one out as well.


HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK?
Yup, even worked there for a while.

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA?:
Yup, even done theatre there, In Pasadena, Glendale and Hollywood...lol

WHAT'S THE SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION?:
The start, the anticipation, the trying to figure out what the director wants, the analysis of your competition then letting it all go and remembering I do this for fun, not to raise my blood pressure. What is meant to be will be.

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF AN AUDITION?:
The magic of knowing you pegged it. The knowing you did well.

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN:
I hate to say Never ...Harvey comes to mind.

NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS:
Musicals...

WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT?
I am trying to get my life back on a steady track first.

DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS?:
LOL, like having family moving in and out...love 'em

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW IMPORTANT IS GETTING PAID?:
It's everything! Wait, no that is selling out right?...I prefer getting paid, but I am an artist and love the performance as a gift. I will write more on this at a later time.


SOMETHING EMBARRASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE ON-STAGE?:
-a wardrobe malfunction that opened safety pins into my crotch during a monolouge.
-A kid that forgot the whole scene during a performance.
-A cast that wasn't paying attention and didnt hear their cue to come on...Yes, the whole cast.
-A carrot coming loose from a bunch and sailing through the audience.
-a bubbling cauldron that wasnt supposed to bubble.

WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF) THAT YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH?:
A guy at Southern who everyone disliked. While building a set , another guy was up on a scaffolding and droped a hammer on his head and no one balked.

EVER BEEN NAKED ONSTAGE?:
Why, what have you heard. Oh, you mean before an audience. No, but I have had to wear boxers and go topless when I was in better shape.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KILLED?:
One show I was killed over 10 times.

BEEN DRUNK?:
Played a great drunk in Beautiful People.

PLAYED SOMEONE HALF YOUR AGE?:
Yes.

PLAYED SOMEONE TWICE YOUR AGE?:
Yes.

CRIED?:
Yes.

Fired a Gun?
As a stage manager I had to shoot a gun outside the old theatre at USM. The third night Campus Security was waiting and pulled me out the door and cuffed me.

BEEN DRENCHED?
Nope.

BEEN IN A DREAM SEQUENCE?
Yes the one where I was killed 10 times.

BEEN KISSED?:
Yes. The first time the show had a bunch of kids in it as well. They would line up in the wings and make the funniest expressions and cup their hands on their face. Hard to stay in character with that.

A Bear Hunt

by Kenneth McDade on Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 12:27pm

 

When I was little I used to think it was funny to watch my grandfather fall asleep in his chair, but now I understand. In all likely-hood he had sleep apnea. During the 1920’s my grandmother, Anna and he were traveling by train. On route, a strange noise was heard all through the train and the engineer stopped the train to investigate, turns out my grandfather was napping in their cabin and was snoring. Yes, he was that loud. He was an amazing snorer. My siblings and I used to spend the night over at the grandparents and sleep downstairs in the front of the house. My grandfather slept in the upstairs in the back of the house. I remember waking to a frightening noise. I woke my older brother who could sleep though anything…He listened for a while and suddenly started to panic and grab a toy Daniel Boone rifle that he had. “It’s a bear trying to get in the house!” he said. Now mind you normally I would have laughed at my brother and called him some derogatory name, but I was five and the noise was amazingly scary. That and the fact that I had never heard a bear and thought this must be the noise that it made.

Now, we were nowhere near a wooded area. The closest wooded area would have been a park two blocks away, with the zoo right next door. My brother was convinced a bear had escaped from the zoo and was about to eat my grandparents. So, we tiptoed up the stairs as quiet as we could. I was hanging on to his cowboy pajamas so tight I think I might have cut the air flow to his brain. Plus, I was shuffling in a one piece blue pajama outfit with booties, there is no way to sneak up on anyone wearing them; you make the same noise a fat person makes wearing corduroy pants.

When we arrived at the top of the stairs, we were in the upstairs hallway. More like a huge room with high ceilings, it was decorated with a deer head and portraits of long forgotten non smiling ancestors and the hall was incredibly dark. Sometimes a car passed in the street and would create a moving dance of shadows and light that seemed to animate the pictures and that horrid deer head.

We approached my grandparent’s room. I froze. There in front of me was a portrait of my Uncle Thompie that looked nothing like my Uncle Thompie. This picture had eyes that followed you and looked at you like you were talking out of place in church. We stopped. There was the sound, it snorted like the demon bear was going to jump out at any moment. We were frozen, then my brother was going around the corner into the room and I was still latched onto his cowboy pajamas. Suddenly, without warning my brother reached around me and threw me into the middle of the room. Now, I am not sure how many of you have ever worn the pajamas with booties before, but there is no traction in them and this house was entirely hardwood floor. I skidded with such force I thought I was going to fly out a window. My arms were flying about and I thudded against a wall on the opposite side of the room. The noise had stopped. My eyes were searching the dark for the bear. Something moved from the center of the room and started to rise, the noise was completely gone and all I could hear was my own heart beating. The rising shape was looking around the room and turned towards me, then it started for me and I screamed a blood curdling scream. My brother, not necessarily brave had a big heart and rushed the shape with his Daniel Boone rifle clicking the fake trigger like he was firing a gun, he too was shouting. The shape turned to see what had entered the room but my brother was already knocking him over and trying to get to me. The big shape tussled with us and we were kicking and screaming to get away. Lucky for us, Anna, my grandmother turned on the light. It must have scared away the bear. We had been tussling so much I hadn’t even noticed my grandfather had joined the fight to save us. He was on the floor with a big brown quilt with tassels wrapped around him. Smart move I thought; to catch the bear with a blanket like a net.

Anna sent my brother and me downstairs in a hurry. I thought granddaddy must have been hurt from the bear because of the Spanish he was speaking. He learned a lot of that in the First World War . They both came down a while later and he seemed fine. He tucked us into our sleeping bags and said the bear was gone. He appreciated the rescue. As I was drifting off I saw him take the Daniel Boone rifle from my brother and tell him he wouldn’t need that anymore tonight. My grandparents were amazing at making us feel comfortable about stuff like that, but I was worried about the bear coming back. As my grandparents left the room, my brother assured me we were okay from the bear as he tucked his baseball bat in his sleeping bag. I was safe for the evening and drifted off to sleep.
Bear Hunting attire.

25 Random things

by Kenneth McDade on Thursday, January 22, 2009 at 10:23am

1. When I was little I was the second fastest person in my school.
2. My sister Lucy was the fastest
3. I love reading
4. I don’t feel like I am a real theatre person, though I love it so much.
5. I would rather watch cartoons than most anything.
6. I keep a journal and have probably written about you at one time or another.
7. God and I talk often.
8. I still feel like I am in my twenties.
9. I get teary at old movies where the hero overcomes all obstacles.
10. I have road rage since 1987 and drive way to fast, way to often.
11. I love to geocache
12. I love winning trivia and word games, but I am not always the best.
13. I used to hate the idea of working with kids
14. I like my time alone, but I like my social time as well.
15. I don’t like the word tolerance, it means tolerate. Jesus said, “Love, One another”, not tolerate one another.
16. I have a hard time loving rude and mean people.
17. I am a romantic at heart.
18. I am bouncy annoying at times, especially in the mornings.
19. I am a grumpy curmudgeon when I think I am being funny.
20. I love hearing funny stories
21. My family and friends always come first, sometimes to my personal neglect
22. I love optimistic people
23. I collect Batman artifacts and Noah’s ark figures
24. I love to write a good story.
25. I am still looking for my niche.

Hair Clips and Electricity

by Kenneth McDade on Wednesday, January 14, 2009 at 3:10pm

 

I was four years old when I first experimented with electricity. My older siblings and parents were engaged in an exciting game of monopoly. Being an inquisitive child with a need for scientific experimentation I set out for bolder adventures. The truth of the matter was I was too young to play and I was bored. One of the many gadgets to me at this time was a small metal hair clip. The times were the sixties, hair clips were in their heyday along with curlers and Dippity Do.

Being a toddler, male and an adventurer, my curiosity was piqued when I found a hair clip that evening. I saw no useful function for this device; surely there was more to it than holding hair in place. This was a great age, an age of space exploration, of scientific discovery, of television (now in living color). I searched the room for remnants of other parts to this unusual device. I studied the hair clip intensely. I opened and closed it to learn its function and secret. I held paper together with it. I even clipped it to my ear at one point. Surely this object had a purpose. Then I noticed an electrical outlet looming behind a book shelf in the den. Ah-ha. No wonder this device didn’t do anything, it had no power. This was an electric age and I had completely let it slip my mind. No place for batteries in it. I pinched it open. The thongs of the hair clip formed a perfect “V” shape. “Okay,” I thought and headed for the socket.

The socket was half hidden behind a copy of a huge medical dictionary, an omen if ever there was one. I put the medical dictionary on the floor and pushed the other books aside. There it was the standard Sears and Roebuck B type home receptacle and power appliance source; 120 volts of crackling energy. A truly remarkable device for holding back a creature of infinite power. I lined up a trajectory with the hair clip and the socket, and then moved in for the completion of electrical experiment number one. The next few minutes are still kind of hazy, my brother had to fill me in later, however, I do remember the sharp pain erupting through my arm and tightening my grip on the object of now obvious destruction. The pain coursed through the rest of my body with remarkable speed sending my eyeballs spinning. Someone was screaming loud and adding to the pain. It wasn’t until later that I learned that I was the only one screaming.

My mother moved with the speed of the current now replacing the blood in my veins. Mom’s knowledge of electricity had somehow surpassed mine. She knew without experimentation not to grab me, lest she be subject to the same fate. So she did the sensible thing and kicked me right in the stomach and away from the wall and the current beast hidden behind it. A relief rushed through me for a micro second right before the new pain of searing flesh came to my attention. My hand was smoking. I hear a scream again, it was still me. Suddenly I was flown into the bathroom by my all knowing mom, who barked orders to the rest of the family with all the precision of a drill sergeant. My hand was shoved under bullets of cold water. My screaming had now turned to blubbering sobs as my family rushed in and out with different ointments and treatments. All I could muster with my voice was, “Bactine, please Bactine.” Dad was on the phone calling the doctor. The hall phone was near the bathroom, so I heard the conversation between my mother’s soothing words of “Be still!” From the fragmented memory and family mythology this was dad’s conversation with the doctor.
“Yes, may I speak to Dr. Alexander please, thank you? Yes, I’ll hold.” Infinite time later. “Hi doc, yah, hi, it’s me Bobby, what, oh, I’m fine, fine and you? Good, how’s the wife and kids, good, good. Oh, fine, just fine, well except that little one of mine. (Yes, I was once little, a runt actually) Yeah, he’s growing like a weed, what, oh about…” Here he hollered to mom, “Dear heart, how old is he now? I thought he was five, oh, okay…Doc, yeah, he’s four, hard to keep up with…”
I am sure my dad finally got around to telling the doctor about the incident, but I didn’t hear because my brother came in.
“Does it hurt?” he asked. It was here I wondered about my brother’s ability to rationalize the volume of my screaming and crying with the amount of pain and suffering.
My mom began putting goo all on my hand while I mumbles a few, “ows, ouches and Bactine, please.” Now mom was an experienced camp director, Girl Scout leader and youth worker, she was used to unusual situations. She gave me love support, bandages and the top hat from the monopoly game.
It was a long, painful, sleepless night. My brother had convinced me that my hand might fall off in the middle of the night, so I had better keep it close to catch it when it did. My experiment with electricity, hairclips, ointment and later dead skin gave me a deeper appreciation for controlled experimentation and …lab assistants. My next experiment would have to involve my brother.

New Years Resolutions for 2009

by Kenneth McDade on Tuesday, December 30, 2008 at 10:08am

McDade's New Year's Resolutions for 2009



Find out who gave Ryan Seacrest a career and have them beaten.

Find out who created Sudoku puzzles and have them beaten. Worse.

Worship more

Buy more Girl Scout cookies? and finally get that Excessive Sweets merit badge.

No more high speed car chases.

Watch that road rage

Try to resist the urge to whack-a-mole.

Forgo future plans to start my own boy band.

Spend more time away from work.

Learn how to fix darn near everything.

Write an Idiot's Guide for Sweet Sweet Lovin'.

Dance. And when in doubt - groove.

Lay foundation for McDade Presidential Campaign 2012.

Misplace myself.

Vote myself off the island. Again.

Thwart the evil-doers.

Make a run for the border.

Be sure to ask for directions.

No, really. I'll ask for directions.

Seriously.

Bang the drum slowly

Buy a drum (see above.)

Thank the little people.

Suppress the urge to listen to the voices.

Look for love in all the right places. You know, change it up a bit.

Try to get out and see a movie every now and again.

Stop making lists.



... and finally...



Party like it's 1999 (I say this every year, and as you can tell, it continues to grow more inappropriate every year.)

16 Candles

by Kenneth McDade on Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 12:47pm

The main point of this is to list 16 things most people dont know about you and then list 16 of your friends and something about them. Thought I would jot a few. Takes a little bit of self indulgence and introspect but kinda neat. Took the liberty of joining two that were so close together, I thought they should be one.

1) I used to try to fly with a Superman cape.
2) I get emotionally moved by old movies.
3) I am allergic to Chocolate.
4) My college years were awful and I hated them.
5) I used to repel from mountains in Tennessee.
6) I worked four summers at a Girl Scout camp, and became an honorary girl scout and earned merit badges.
7) I love doing what others say is impossible.
8) I have many friends who dislike theatre and don’t understand it. They help keep me grounded.
9) My first paying job was making explosives at a firecracker company.
10) I have never found my niche, but still enjoy the journey looking for it.
11) I was going to be an electrical engineer until I got to college and discovered how much math was involved.
12) I conquered Math as an adult, yet still have anxiety about it.
13) I got beat up or pushed down almost every day of junior high…I survived Monster ball, beatings and two knife fights where I didn’t have the knife.
14) I still have nightmares about junior high.
15) God loves me so much, that He personally sent for me, His Son, to die.
16) I love life and the adventure of everyday…I don’t know how to be bored.

Clayton Southerland – A great actor with only himself as his limits.

Brandi Southerland – A joy. My superheroinne friend with amazing superpowers.

Lavonne Bruckner – An inspiration, never heard the word impossible. I think of the letters WWLD when I am asked to do an impossible task. Great Spiritual and Career leader, my hero.

Angeley Butler – Well read, well bred, unlimited imagination, a Nuevo renaissance lady.

Kevin Ross – brother in spirit, art and life. No limits. Makes me stretch my imagination further than the extreme.

Juniper Wallace - There is so much talent that she shows like an iceberg, you wonder if you have just seen the tip of it. There is an undercurrent of untapped talent waiting to emerge…we’re waiting.

Wyeth Sibler- like a moth to a flame, so much energy and passion for theatre, give it time. The light is always there. Learn to fly more circles around it.

Lori McDade – My sister, God’s favorite. We have shared the best jokes and stories. Bless her, she gets way to much of my humor. I am honored to be her friend and brother.

Taylor Noelle – A true joy in my life. I so love the way she sees things as an adult and still keeps that kid inside.

Lucy Chappell – My other sister and God’s other favorite. I always wanted to be like her. Still do. Never a dull conversation.

Mitch Chappell – A champion, I am proud of his ambition and strength. His love of God and his commitment to work and getting things done.

Brent Chappell – Never have I seen you follow anyone’s footsteps, you make new paths for others to follow, but you make sure God is leading you.

Pattye Archer – My new friend and so underrated for the amount of things she does for so many people and organizations.

Beth Kander & Danny Dauphin – Two sides of a royal card. I met them about the same time and enjoy their wit and humor. Plus they do make an adorable couple. You two give off hope when you are not even trying.

Lea Freeny Browne – a true inspiration in the Spirit of God. She helped save my life by stepping out of her normalcy and stretching both of us to our limits. Good thing we don’t have any.

Margaret Sullivan – A free spirit artist untamed by expectations. She was a student, then a friend. I wish I could see the world through your eyes one day. Your poems and stories help me see my own soul.

Peace be still.

Into every life a little rain must fall.

You're whispering to a deaf man. Originally pub. 8/21/2008

by Kenneth McDade on Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 10:23am

I am in my own little world today, not by choice but due to the fact that I left my hearing aids at home. I have had a hereditary hearing loss for several years and wasn't really aware of how bad it had become until this morning.

Thursday mornings I have to get up earlier and rush to work to get on the phone and attend a phone meeting that has nothing to do with me. Great motivation to get there. I like to be on time though and it rushes me because I am also a fan of sleep. Woke up later than I intended to and rushed to work forgetting both of my hearing aids and not even being aware of it. Usually, I don’t come in contact with anyone until after eight o'clock. I enjoy not listening to anything in my car, so I didn’t have the radio on. It wasn't until some Neanderthal tried to plow into the back of me and then run me off the road that I realized I had forgotten the hearing aids. The driver was yelling things at me and I could not understand what he was saying. Judging by his driving, it could be his intelligence level didn't allow for real tangible communication or it could just be that his dad is a bachelor, I am not sure. However, I was suddenly aware that I had no real ability to hear most things today. Now, I am not deaf, but I do have a major hearing loss of about 75% in my left ear and 30% loss in my right ear. It makes everyone sound like they are talking to me from another room.

When if first occurred it was like people were making up words or saying something you know makes no sense, but it is what you heard...i.e. Would you like to shave the car under the TV, on the way to the laundry? Makes no sense, but made me laugh at things I would hear. In this stage, there is a little translator in your head that works like the text on your cell and predicts what it thinks might have been said. This is good to an extent, because you don't answer right away and most people will answer their own questions once they have said it out loud and makes you a great listener and wise in your counsel.

The next stage is losing some sounds all together, not volume necessarily, but sound. In this stage everyone sounds like they are mumbling or they are the parents in a Charlie Brown movie (wa, wa, waaa, wa.). This too can be funny but also aggravating.

Most people don't really talk to you, they talk, but they are looking in other directions or working on something else, you know...multi tasking. Even with the hearing aids, I have to have people face me and speak clearly, if not they and I both get frustrated and aggravated. To say, "never mind" to someone who can't hear you is to say you are giving up on them and they are not worth your time to repeat what you have just said.

Sounds in general get moved around to. I can no longer tell direction of sounds unless I can see it. People sneak up behind me all the time and I never hear them until they speak up or until I see them. This can make for some nerve racking experiences. The hearing aids are supposed to amplify sound, but they do not filter it. Everything comes in through them. You are suddenly aware of air conditioning units, fans, motors, and people clicking pen caps, all noise at once and nothing to block out the bad. People tend to get louder at this point but it will not help, just look at the person and speak clear. That seems to be my running theme.

I was at a concert once with a group of friends, one of them kept leaning in to speak into my ears, and got mad at me when I made them face me and just mouth it. Students would come up to me during tests and say something softly to not disturb the others. That is when I would stage whisper loudly to them, "You're whispering to a deaf man!"

Poor Sport (Originally published 8/15/2008

Poor Sport

by Kenneth McDade on Friday, August 15, 2008 at 9:46am

I am laughing at the loser wrestler from Sweden. He gets the bronze medal and throws a temper tantrum during the ceremony and throws his medal down on the ground. Is this not an embarassment for Sweden? We, as southerner's, are all saying "bless his heart, his momma didn't raise him right." After throwing the medal down, he harasses the judges and gets in their face...Yeah, that's gonna help you. His reasoning behind it, I came to the Olympics to get the gold, not the bronze. Well, duh. He should have fought harder, should have worked harder and been ready to be a real winner. To get to go to the olympics itself should be an honor. You should be a roll model for future generations. If he is remembered at all for his outburst, it won't be as an Olympian but as a loser and a lousy sport who couldn't control his temper. I think Sweden ought to banish him from his sport and have everyone who comes in contact with him point a finger and say, shame, shame for at least a year. Sweden, his Momma, and all of us who watch should be ashamed of and for him.
The loser from Sweden

Slinky (Originally published 3/27/2007

Some people are like slinky's,
they have no practical purpose,
but they make you smile when
they are pushed down the stairs.

Act II My second Act.

I havent been as current with this blog as I like, but hope to change that soon.  I have recently approached the second century of my life and working on making it wonderful.  I am involved in theatre and adventure. My hearing is poor and my eye sight now requires reading glasses, but thanks to intense exercise I feel healthier than I have in years.  So stay tuned, sign up and I will try to keep you entertained with my insights, writings and daily adventures.
~CURTAIN~