by Kenneth McDade on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 7:32pm
Most of my friends know, but a few don’t. I am a little bit of a nerd now and then. I love technological gadgets and I love things having to do with the space program. This week the International Space Shuttle has been passing over my town approximately the same time every night. However, the clouds have been heavy and I haven’t been able to see it in the night sky. Last night was my chance, the sky was clear, but the air was cold. I went out in my back yard and looked up into the night sky. The stars were brilliant and wonderful; I am always humbled when I remember to look in their direction. The night air was cold and I was not really dressed to be outside. I had on a pair of old tennis shoes, thin dress pants and a tee-shirt with a small windbreaker, not suitable for the winter freeze.
My dogs, Hoover, a 120 pound Labrador and Thibodeaux, a 40 pound Australian Shepherd, both were thrilled that I was out back to visit them. They took great pleasure in letting me know that they were with me in the dark. I stood and proudly watched as the International Space Station flew over. The journey across my sky didn’t last but about two minutes but I was proud of our space program and had witnessed their progress going across my sky. I started to notice the cold and headed for the house. Hoover was there at my side, but I couldn’t find Thibodeaux. I looked toward the fence; he is a herding dog and loves to let the neighbor’s dogs know he can guide them if needed. He was not at the fence. I looked toward my house and in horror; I realized the back door was closed. The former occupant of the house was a security freak and had equipped this door with a security latch that locks when closed. I reached for my pockets and realized I had emptied them when I had arrived home; my keys and my phone were sitting on my desk in my den. I knew the front door was locked, because of my habits that were gained while living near downtown growing up.
I surveyed my yard and tried to figure out what to do. Then I noticed a bathroom window that I had opened earlier. It was small and about ten feet up, but I thought I could manage squeezing in. I rearranged lawn furniture and put it under the window. My climbing skills were not what they used to be and the cold air was not helping. Hoover was immensely interested in my endeavors. The window was now closer but still I would have to pull myself up to it. I worked on the screen and let it fall to the ground. Hoover took it and ran somewhere in the yard with it. Then I pulled my Jabba the Hut frame up to the little window, no easy task. I was doing well until my hips hit the window pane and I realized that I might be a tad bit large. This was the reason for all those New Year’s resolutions. I started to wiggle to try and squeeze through the frame. The scene must have looked like a Chihuahua birthing a Saint Bernard. I suddenly had a fear of neighbors with video cameras filming me for some money making TV show. As, I came in through the window, I was now upside down and somersaulting into a half bath. My bones made weird noises like a kid’s breakfast cereal. Definitely have to work on those New Year’s resolutions.
I gathered all that was left of my pride and went out of the bathroom into my bedroom. There at the foot of my bed snuggled deep into my covers was the Aussie, wagging his tail and excited to see me. Until I pointed to the door and told him, “OUT!” With the vocal inflection, he knew he had done something wrong and ran from room to room trying to get away.
His actions had purpose, he was avoiding the back door and outside to the cold. When he realized that he could not get away he went to the front door of the house and sat. This is Thibodeaux’s position for getting ready for a walk. “Fine,” I thought, I will walk you and get it out of your system. I grabbed my keys and his leash and led him out the door. The Aussie was ready to run. This is an unusual trait for him. I know he hates the leash, but usually he is right there beside me and not trying to run off. I was still not dressed for the cold, so I knew it would be a short walk. I took him to the end of the street and back towards the house. He calmed down a little and I headed for my mailbox before I took him back to the backyard. Suddenly, a huge black dog came out of nowhere and jumped Thibodeaux; I almost panicked, until I realized that my Labrador had finally learned how to jump the fence.
Before I could stop him Hoover was sashaying down the street with a haughty swagger in his step as he marked every little tree or shrubbery down the block. Now I am smart enough to know not to chase him because he will think it is a game and take off running. I tried to stay on the other side of the street and get ahead of him, and then I could guide him back to the house. It didn’t take long to realize this wasn’t going to work. I tried grabbing him when he went to mark something, but just as I touched his fur, he would shoot off again and the Aussie would try to follow with the leash still attached to my arm.
We had gone around the block and now Hoover had disappeared into a yard that was dimly lit. The whole neighborhood had poor lighting and I was straining to peer into the darkness while calling Hoover’s name. Without warning he came from behind us and startled both me and the Aussie. He darted under the leash to taunt us both. The Aussie gave chase and then spun into a leash lock and circled around me to get free. This was unexpected and hit me below the balance point. I fell to the middle of the road and into an intersection. Normally during the day this intersection has quite a lot of traffic, but I was lucky in the sense that no cars were coming our way. Still there was that fear of a neighbor with a video camera and you tube getting me online with a million views.
As I tried to sit up the Aussie was licking me in the face, now for those of you who don’t know, I am also a germaphobe, I hate things that might carry germs. Knowing that dogs drink out of the toilet bowl and clean their nether regions with their tongue, made me not to thrilled. I was about to make it out when Hoover came back to see why we were supposedly having more fun than he. He licked me and started to take off again, I grabbed for his collar and missed, but I did manage to grab his tail. Hoover spun around to make sure I wasn’t going to rip it off and I rolled over on him. It is not easy to hold down a dog that weighs as much as he does. Also, the Aussie was understandably worried that I was going to roll over on him and he tried to get out of the way, making the leash tighter. Somewhere in this living knot I managed to get the leash off my wrist and through Hoover’s collar, then back on my wrist. I was still tangled, but I had both dogs.
Squirming to get up I managed to stand and start untangling. Unexpectantly, an old man who runs through our neighborhood came flaunting his flexibility down the street. He saw me and asked, “You okay son?” My first comment that came to mind was probably not a nice thing, but thankfully my parents were good with my upbringing and I answered, “I’m fine thank you.” He stood around and watched me like someone watching a train wreck. As I untangled we discussed, late night walks, dogs, me wearing clothes that were much to dark for traffic to see, etc. He finally excused himself and took off down the road with much to smooth a grace for someone his age. I took the dogs back home; they were not happy with being tethered together so close and fought occasionally to get away. I was so upset with them that I started muttering to them. I know I must have sounded like Yosemite Sam with Tourette’s syndrome. Again the fear of the video camera was in the back of my mind. I led both dogs to the back yard, reminded them where their heated igloo dog huts were, put my screen back on my window, moved lawn furniture, put up plastic mesh to keep Hoover from jumping the fence and finally went back inside my own home. I noticed that I had missed several calls from a friend of mine. She had found a lost dog and wanted to know if I needed another one.
God has a keen sense of humor.
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